What do you do after an incredibly rich and sugar-filled brunch at Christopher’s? Do you go home and fill your mouth with toothpaste? Do you go to the gym? Do you cry by the treadmill until all the fat leaks out of you? No. What you do, is you immediately go looking for another sweet treat. After torturing our teeth with syrup-soaked french toast and nutella-smothered pancakes, Steak and I traipsed the streets of Covent Garden in the pouring rain, hell-bent on hunting down the little dessert cart that has been taking London by storm  – Yolkin. After bumping into the London Fashion show, (where I was mistaken for a walking joke), we located the little Vietnamese sandwich shop – (Wham Banh Mi) in which it resided, only to find that their highly-prized ice cream macarons had sold out. Damn and blast.

Just as we were about to accept that we had probably eaten enough junk for one day, we remembered that another sweet treat lay right around the corner. Cutter and Squidge are the self-ascribed pseudonyms of the Lui sisters, who began their delectable venture of bakes and “biskies” from a compact kitchen in Northwest London. Now equipped with a fully fledged store and cafe, they pride themselves on providing London with a selection of “health-conscious” desserts and sweet treats. By “health-conscious”, we can only presume that they mean “I’m conscious of the fact that this is bad for my health, but I’m going to eat it anyway”. (Note: Please check the “halal-status” of each individual dessert prior to purchasing).

Food: 4.5/5

As mentioned, Cutter and Squidge offer a selection of cakes and bakes, but specialise primarily in “biskies” – soft, chewy, and utterly delicious biscuit-cookie-cake sandwiches, which come in a variety of flavours and formulations. Rest assured, you’ll want to sample each and every biskie on offer, and – although I’m not a parent – deciding between them is probably as difficult as deciding which of your children is your favourite (the quietest). After staring through the glass for a good ten minutes, and resisting the urge to salivate all over it, Steak and I settled upon the “chocolate and green” and “blueberry cheesecake”.

The chocolate and green biskie consisted of oreo cream and matcha cream, sandwiched between two chocolate biscuits, which were topped with a chocolate thin and a mini green-tea and chocolate biscuit. As we took our first bites, we were greeted by the wonderfully soft, chewy and cakey texture of the biscuits, which contrasted completely with the crisp crunchiness of the chocolate thin. Together, they went hand in hand with the soft, smooth consistencies of the creams within. The matcha cream in particular, took dominance over the oreo, and delivered a smooth, blissful green tea flavour that harmonised with the light, chocolate flavour of the biscuits.

“Chocolate green” biskie

The blueberry cheesecake biskie was composed of blueberry and vanilla cheesecake cream and blueberry compote, held within two plain biscuits, and topped with a white chocolate thin and a blueberry. The biscuits, again, were soft and cakey, and contrasted well with the crispy chocolate thin, whilst meshing in with the soft blueberry compote and cream. The cream itself possessed a mellow tang, which combined well with the richer sweetness of the compote.

“Blueberry cheesecake” biskie

Value For Money: 3/5

Our biskies cost £3.90 each, (as we had taken them away), but would have cost £4.90 each if we had opted to sit in. Generally, biskies cost around £4, whilst cakes cost around £5, and hot drinks range from £2-£3. Cutter and Squidge is certainly not a cheap affair, but then, neither is the quality of their biskies. As an occasional treat, they’re certainly well worth the expenditure.

Service/Speed: 4.5/5

The only people who are slow at Cutter and Squidge, are the customers – (ourselves included). As you dawdle and dribble, trying to decide which biskie will meet its doom, staff members will remain patient and polite. Once you do order, your biskies will be within your little goblin hands (or in this case, Steak’s little goblin hands) in a matter of minutes.

Overall: 4/5

Biscuits keep Britain moving – (or at least, moving slowly). Without them, we’d be a much slimmer nation, but we’d also have a crisis on our hands – chaos and hysteria would spread across every office and living-room in the country, the economy would all but collapse, and black-market-biscuit gangs would control the streets, clashing in violent outbreaks for control of valuable stocks of Hobnobs and Digestives. The humble biscuit is, without a doubt, vital to Britain’s survival, and Cutter and Squidge have transformed it into something  different entirely. The “biskie” hails from a novel realm of short and sweet desserts, and its biscuit-cookie-cake hybridity is simply a masterful piece of decadence. Cutter and Squidge – the birthplace of the biskie, and the deathplace of your perfect waistline.

Cutter and Squidge
Address: 20 Brewer St, London W1F 0SJ
Telephone: 0207 734 2540
Website: cutterandsquidge.com